Or: Why Ed the Zebra’s Tennessee Adventure Has Me Reconsidering My Pet Collection
So there I was, sitting at my kitchen table with Groot, my son’s chihuahua, perched on my lap like a furry surveillance officer, when I saw the news about Ed the zebra. You know Ed – the Tennessee escape artist who spent a week living his best life as a free-range zebra before getting the helicopter ride of his dreams back home. This whole Ed zebra helicopter rescue saga became an overnight sensation after he escaped from his new owner in Tennessee on May 31 and was finally captured on June 8 when aviation crews airlifted him via helicopter back to a waiting animal trailer.
Watching that footage of Ed dangling in a net under a helicopter got me thinking: maybe I’m thinking too small with my three dogs and twenty feral cats. Maybe what my chaos circus really needs is a zebra as a pet!
But then Rocket, the dashing dachshund of the family, started barking at a plastic bag blowing across the yard, and reality set in. If my eight-pound dachshund thinks he can take on the UPS truck, imagine what he’d do with actual African wildlife in the backyard. The image —–> is not Ed.
The Pros of Zebra as a Pet Ownership
You’ll Never Lose Them in a Crowd Unlike my chihuahua Groot who disappears into the grass like a tiny ninja, zebras come with their own built-in GPS system: stripes. Even when Ed was gallivanting around Tennessee, people spotted him trotting through neighborhoods and running along Interstate 24. Try hiding when you’re wearing nature’s most obvious prison uniform!
Instant Celebrity Status Ed became the subject of internet memes, with fake postings showing him dining at a Waffle House and visiting other Tennessee cities. My dogs get excited when three people like their Instagram photos. Ed had the entire internet making memes about his dining preferences. Talk about social media influence! I wonder if I can hire him to do some influencing in my direction. Hmmmm. Food for thought.
Free Landscaping Forget expensive lawn services – zebras are basically living lawn mowers with attitude. Although knowing my luck, they’d probably eat the good plants and leave all the weeds, just like how Poppy selectively destroys only my favorite shoes. This alone could be the best reason for having a zebra as a pet.
Built-in Security System You think my dogs bark at everything? Zebras can kick with the force of a small car. Nobody’s sneaking past a zebra to steal your Amazon packages. Though they might kick the delivery truck too, so there’s that trade-off.
Dr. Seuss Would Approve Remember young Gerald McGrew from “If I Ran the Zoo”? He dreamed of zebras with polka-dot spots instead of stripes. While we can’t redesign Ed’s wardrobe, at least we’re living the exotic pet dream that Seuss imagined!
The Cons of Having a Zebra as a pet Ownership
They’re Basically Horses with Trust Issues Zebras have never been fully domesticated because they’re, well, let’s call them “spirited.” It’s like having a horse that went to therapy and decided everyone else was the problem. At least when Rocket has attitude, I can pick him up and relocate him. Try that with 500 pounds of striped stubbornness.
Escape Artist Extraordinaire Ed proved that zebras have Houdini-level escape skills. He arrived in Tennessee on May 30 and was reported missing the next day, then evaded capture for over a week. I can barely keep track of three small dogs in a fenced yard. A zebra would probably figure out how to unlock doors, disable security systems, and order an Uber.
Helicopter-Level Recapture Costs When Ed decided to take his unscheduled vacation, it took the Tennessee Highway Patrol, Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency, and aviation crews to bring him home – the whole helicopter zebra rescue operation was like something out of an action movie. When my dogs escape, I shake a treat bag and they come running. Ed required military-level coordination and airborne extraction. My budget doesn’t include helicopter rental fees.
Zoning Laws Are a Thing While it’s legal to own a zebra in Tennessee, where they’re classified as Class III animals requiring no special permits, most places aren’t quite so zebra-friendly. I have enough trouble explaining my feral cat colony to the neighbors. Adding a zebra as a pet would probably result in me becoming that crazy lady with the exotic animals, instead of just the crazy lady with too many cats.
Veterinary Bills From Another Continent Finding a vet for my dogs is easy. Finding someone qualified to treat a zebra? That’s going to require someone who either went to vet school in Kenya or has a very adventurous practice. And don’t even get me started on zebra-proofing a house. If Poppy can chew through a leather leash, imagine what zebra teeth could do to my furniture.
The Reality Check
As I watched Groot assess whether my morning coffee posed a security threat, I realized Ed’s adventure was probably the best possible advertisement for why zebras belong in places with more space than my suburban chaos compound.
Ed’s owner Laura Ford summed it up perfectly: “This has been a long, stressful week and I am so happy that it ended the way it did and no one got hurt.” When your pet’s safe return requires a statement about how nobody got hurt, that’s probably a sign you’re playing in the major leagues of pet ownership.
Ed got to live every zebra’s dream – a week of Tennessee tourism, viral fame, and a helicopter ride that most humans would pay good money for. His owner got a week of stress, a hefty bill for aviation services, and probably some very pointed conversations with their insurance company.
The Verdict
While Ed’s excellent adventure makes for great entertainment, I think I’ll stick with my current menagerie. Between Groot’s suspicious nature, Rocket’s romantic advances towards the cats, and Poppy’s impression of a tiny Rottweiler, I’ve got plenty of personality to manage without adding 500 pounds of striped attitude to the mix.
Besides, my neighbors are just getting used to explaining why there are so many cats in my yard. Adding a zebra as a pet might push them over the edge – and unlike Ed, I can’t just helicopter away from the neighborhood drama!
But I have to admit, watching that helicopter footage, there was a tiny part of me that thought: “Now THAT’S how you make an entrance.”
Maybe I’ll just stick to living vicariously through Ed’s adventures and keep my exotic animal dreams safely in Dr. Seuss books where they belong. Though if anyone knows where to get zebra-print collars for small dogs, Rocket might be interested. He’s always been the dramatic one of the bunch.
Resources for Unusual Pet Safety and Recovery
If you’re seriously considering a zebra as a pet (or already have one that’s decided to go sightseeing), here are some resources that might save you from needing your own helicopter rescue:
Lost Pet Recovery Technology:
- Volunteer Drone Services & Custom Applications LLC – The heroes who helped capture Ed! They specialize in drone deer, pet, and livestock recovery using thermal imaging drones. Contact Branson by email at volunteerdronerecovery@gmail.com. Pretty amazing that technology like this exists for when our four-legged family members decide to go on unauthorized adventures.
Exotic Pet Safety Resources:
- Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) – Guidelines for exotic animal care
- Exotic Pet Veterinary Emergency Services directory
- International Association for Exotic Pet Medicine
- Local wildlife rehabilitation centers (they often have contacts for exotic animal emergencies)
Legal Information:
- State and local exotic pet ownership laws (varies widely by location)
- Liability insurance for exotic pet owners
- Permit requirements for Class III animals
Emergency Preparedness:
- Microchipping for large animals
- GPS tracking collars designed for livestock
- Emergency contact lists including exotic veterinarians
- Secure fencing specifications for different species
Remember, if you’re going to dream big with unusual pets, dream responsibly! From the looks of things, as fun as it is to dream, I do NOT want a Zebra as a pet.